You don’t see me when I’m worrying about the man in the bed who is deteriorating & the paperwork and job list is stacking.
Paperwork that requires a lot of time and accuracy and in fear of getting it wrong and used against you in court doesn’t matter because there is no time to do that paperwork due to increasing demands and decreasing time.
You don’t see me when I’m crying for you or your relative when I’m driving home from a hard shift.
You don’t hear me when I’m singing a patients favourite song to help them to sleep.
You don’t see me when I’m worried about the heavily pregnant nurse that works so hard that she misses her break.
You don’t see when my eyes light up when you say Thankyou because it’s hard to feel appreciated in this job.
You don’t see the bed manager pulling her hair out because there are no beds in the hospital and we are at full capacity but A&E won’t close due to the increasing ambulances stacking outside the door.
You don’t see me when I am upset because I feel I can’t do my job properly without feeling like I’m failing everyone including you and my colleagues.
You don’t hear me when a 98 year old man is calling for his mother in the night and I’m the one who awnsers him telling him she’s asleep and he will see her in the morning.
We are always told not to lie, but I would rather lie than tell this man that his mother would be over 120 years old by now and she died a long time ago.
You don’t see me when I’m laughing and joking with your relative and making their day brighter and a little less scary.
You don’t hear me when I’m pleading for another great member of staff not to leave but they have to because they simply can’t take the pressure anymore.
You don’t see me when I’m being punched by a confused patient and there’s nothing I can do about it but take that punch because he thinks I’m an intruder in his house.
You don’t see me trying to stay awake on a night shift whilst keeping an eye on 4 patients who could fall out of bed.
You don’t hear me when I’m shouting for help after finding a patient on the floor, calling for anyone who is available to help.
You don’t see me when I walk in to shift and feel like I can conquer the world.
You don’t see me when I hold your dying relatives hand and talk to them quietly even though it’s so busy that buzzers are buzzing And the sounds are never ending but I will never leave their side!
You don’t see my sympathy when your mother doesn’t remember your name but she remembers mine.
You don’t see me when I’m so busy That I can’t think, but il take our 1:1 patient out for some chips and a coffee to get him to settle, walking him around the corridors finding pictures and reminiscing about flowers and gardens that he loves so much!
You don’t see me when I’m my confidence is so low, that when you ask me a question, I scramble for words because iv been verbally abused from relatives before you
You don’t see me when I’m training junior members of staff and teaching them about different conditions and different ways to do things.
You don’t hear me or my colleagues when we are planning for your fathers future, and wether he is safe to go home or will require extra care.
You don’t see me when I burst with pride when your father learns my name and walks again for the first time in months.
You don’t see that we are trying our upmost best to deliver a star quality holistic standard of care and keep the patients at the heart of that care.
But I’m just a carer. That’s all. You don’t see all these things because you don’t need to see it, we nursing staff put on a brave face for all our patients and you because All you see when you walk in, is a person in a uniform, you don’t care about the hierarchy or the grades. But we all have the same feelings as you, we all have relatives that are or have been in hospital. We have all argued with a doctor over her decision to carry on treating a patient who has had enough, And I have been that angry relative that is wondering why their relative is in pain/has a bruise/is not going home/ has new medication/has a pressure sore
Please remember me every now and again. Remember that I’m helping, caring, feeding, cleaning, listening and advising.
I will continue to put on that brave face, because it is my job, I love my job and I will continue to do so until my caring days end. Don’t make me hate it.